Notes from the universe

I saw a link in a friends blog and decided to ry it, now every day I get these wonderfule e-mails and they make me feel so good. I thought I'd share one with you.

Hello lovely face.

How are you today?

Gorgeous... yes. I like how your self-confidence has been soaring lately.

Cindy, remember the last time when you blew some little thing
way out of proportion and thought it just might derail your entire life?

Yeah, it still cracks us up too.

Anyhow, just wanted to remind you of your supernatural rebounding
skills.

You will always prevail,
The Universe


Thoughts become things... choose the good ones! ®
© www.tut.com ®

Not on your "worst day," during your lowest ebb, nor through your most
challenging affairs, will that ever, ever happen, XXXXXXXXXXX.


I think this is them nicest thing anyone has said to me lately. It's nice to get a little bit of sunshine into every day. get your own notes from the universe at tut.com I think, just look for notes from the universe.

They really do make my day a little better every time.

Seperation of church and library....

So, last week I read the DaVinci code and I loved it. It helps that I am a pagan and not, like, a member of the Opus Dei. It spoke of a lot of myths and theories I have hear since I was a child. For anyone who hasn't read this book I am including spoilers.

In my search for the path that fit me best I studied all faiths, upon studyind the ancient roots of christianity I found several books that theorized that the Holy Grail was in actuality the womb of Mary Magdelene. I have seen proof that the church will indeed kill to make a point, including "You will believe what we tell you and ignore anything that disagrees with it." I have seen many art books make the relatively minor mistake of calling the last supper a "fresco". All in all this FICTION book is based in some part on historical fact.
I realize thatsome of these facts the church is, understandably, upset about. For some strange reason it is incredibly important that Christ, while living as a man on earth, did not live as a man. He came to earth to live the life of a man, yet they will not accept that during this experiment he did the most miraculous things that a man can do. Creating the miracles of love and new life.
What has got me ranting about this is not their opinions on these subjects. People are entitled to believe whatever suits them best.

What has me upset is the fact that last night I watched a documentary on the History Channel called "Breaking the DaVinci Code." I naturally assumed that this would explore both sides of the debate in an unbiased and fact based way considering this was the History Channel. I was wrong. The three so-called "experts" thatthey presented were all right-wing Christian "historians" who has written books such as the "DaVinci Hoax". The entire documentary was to explore all the many and varied ways that Dan Brown was "wrong" They seriously came 1 step short of calling him a witch and calling for their poeple to stone him to death. Granted he took literary license with some of the historical facts in the book. What writer doesnt? The only things that he has actually claimed to be fact is that there are orginazations called the Opus Dei, the Priory of Sion, and that his architechtural and artistic informations is accurate. Never did he claim that his history is true. His book is in the fiction section for a reason people!

There is historical information that suggests that Christ and Mary Magdelene were married, altough most would never admit it. There was a council of Niccea and a council of Ephesus (which is not mentioned in the book) that decided not only the extent of the Divinity of Christ, but also his birthdate, the fact that he was a miracle birth, that Mary was a virgin, the dates of his crucifixion, amongst other things. The truth is Christ was probably born in or around August. Try telling that to a devout Christian.

They also in this "documentary" state that there is no pagan or femenine sexuality symbolized in any of the ancient Cathedrals of Europe. This is complete horseshit. Plain and simple. They don't want to see it, but it is there and widely recognized. Archways and chalices have symbolized woman and the sexual organs of such since several hundred years pre-christ. The green man is widely represented on a great many cathedrals including Notre-Dame in Paris.

Why, you might ask? Because the people who built these Cathedrals were the lowest bidder, and most of the laborers of the age stuck to the old ways much longer than the upper classes. They also knew that they would be made to follow these faith in time. The cathedrals were often built directly upon the sacred sites and circles that these people had worshipped on for ages. For that very reason. Because people follow their habits. They had always worshipped there so it was easier to get them to go there.

Again, I am not saying that they do not have the right to believe what they believe, however it is completely outrageous that on the History Channel where fact is supposed to be law they hare having a biased, skewed "documentary" wherein the last line is "Should we trust a fiction author for the truth? No but the truth is out there, probably on your own bookshelf." While showing a picture of the bible. There was an age when people understood that the bible was allegory. A series of stories to show the power of faith and make people realize the value of morals and ethics. Anybody who actually believes that Christ healed the dead or walked on water, or that Noah gathered 6 pairs of every clean animal and 2 pair of every unclean animal (and yes those are the actual numbers quoted in the bible) and fit them all onto a boat that was only 40 armlengths long (a cubit is the length from elbow to the front of your closed fist) is an Idiot. Likewise anyone who believe that Apollo actually carried the sun across the sky in a chariot, or that Zeus actually throws lightning from the sky, or that Buddha actually sat beneath a tree for 20 years without moving, or any of the stories from every faith that are simply symbolic are fact. And anyone who thinks that their faith will be hurt by a fiction writer putting forth information theorized for hundreds of years before he was born, obviously does not have enough faith.

And now for something completely different.

I am feeling a little down so I think I need to go over all of the things in my life that I am happy about. Watch out, it's a long list.

My son, my beautiful boy. He is nine months old today. He is as old as it tooke me to build him. Wow, time slips by so fast. He is happy and healthy and he makes me laugh. Sometimes ofr no reason at all he takes the bottle out of his mouth and blows raspberries. It is the cutest thing ever. He has 4 teeth now and he bites :) It's really cute. He climbs, he thinks I am a mountain. When I get home from work if I don't immediately pick him up and play with him he cries until I do. He loves me.

My Husband. My rock. He says that I am his rock, but he really does it for me. He wakes up every morning before I leave for work to tell me how beautiful I am. He takes care of our button and loves him to pieces. He is torn aprat by the fact that we cannot do more for our oldest, who live with his mom in AK. He makes me laugh too, then again he is a clown, he makes everyone laugh. I love rubbing his feet and his back, it sounds weird, but I do. It makes me feel closer to him.

My mommy. My friend. She is an amazing human being who will give her very life for me or my boys. She treats everyone as though they were her very own. She has days when she is in so much pain that she can barely move, yet she is happy and cheerful. She also makes me laugh. When we watch gilmore girls together and we all sing the theme song together. She used to call me very commercial break during the show. We are very close. I don't know what I would do without her.

My Daddy. I am 26 years old and he is still daddy. And he will still use his entire vacation to fix our cars and drive to another state to pick up my other car that broke down. I know becaue he did it this week. He works his ass off and still finds time to hang out with the button.

My friends. All of them. They are there for me when I need them. I can invite them over for dinner or just talk on the phone for hours. I have gone for years without talking to them and restarted again like nothing happened. I know that if I ever need anything I can call and I will have the love and support of people that are really more like sisters than friends.

OK so the list isn't as long as I thought it would be. Turns out the little things that make me happy are all incorporated with the big things. My family and friends are there for me and the all make me smile and laugh. That is what is truly important. I feel better now, thanks for listening.

What ever happened to...

That is a question that I often ask about the people that I was close to in my youth. I'm sure we all do. I am so glad that I have found and reconnected with some (and one in particular) of those people. I couldn't be happier that they are grown and responsible with lives of their own. I amazes me more and more every day.
Then I have days where I find out that some of these friends did not fare as well as I did, nor even as well as I had hoped for them that they would. I am shocked and appalled to hear what some of them are going through these days, and the factthat they do not see what good people they are and that they do not deserve these terrible things to happen to them. For others i am even more shocked at what horrible human beings they have become. What kind of world do we live in that a beautiful girl who was a bit on the boy crazy side, but had a heart of gold, now has lost custody of her child and is making no effort to get it back. Because she doesn't have the time. Fuck That!
How do these things happen to our friends. Where were the people that were supposed to care for and love them to make sure that that kind of shit doesn't happen. What of the one that is perfectly happy to be moving to another state so that she and her children can stop having to answer the questions of "where did you get those bruises?" instead she will move across the country with the man who keeps giving them to her. What of her family that should be keeping her locked in their home with her kids so that she does not have to endure that any more. Why would you allow that to happen to your child! And what will become of the boys who are taught by their dad that this is the proper way to treat your wife.
And last but not least, the girl who thought she had it all, and now has a deadbeat husband that cannot keep her and their children in a home, but is willing to pay the exorbitant fees at the swingers clubs. How did she who thought she was a princess end up with the toad after all. Perhaps because she wasn't the princess that she thought she was.
How was I so lucky to find the man that I truly love. Iwas the one that everyone thought would grow up to be a 45 year old virgin with 75 cats and too fat to get out of bed and feed them. I knew this is what people thought, but I didn't care. I love myself for who I am and I have a family that loves and supports me in everything that I do. Maybe that's the difference. My parents were parents, they weren't my best friends, not were they my dictators. I do count them amongst my friends now, but I am 26 years old. And when they need to be parents they are.
My brothers had those same parents though and they turned out to be two of the biggest shitheads on the face of the planet. Granted one of them is finally growing up as far as he tells us, but I still have a hard time beleiving it. The other one, well I'm just waiting to get the call telling me and my parents to come and ID him. Sad but true. They are a study in Nature vs Nurture. Both of my brothers were raised by my dad, but they each had a fdifferent father. They only each met hteir fathers a total of like 6 times between the 2 of them. Amazing then that they both act just like them. They were raised to be good men who loved their women and took care of their families. Neither of them does this.
So maybe luck does have something to do with it after all. That scares the piss out of me. What happens if we do everything right, and my beautiful innocent be ends up like my brother. I cannot imagine the pain my mother endures every day knowing that the beautiful little boy that she loved and raised turned out to be the abusive, drug addicted thieving bastard that he is. Or like the other one, whom it took until he was 29 and out of prison again to finally grow up. That's what scares me. My parents did everything right and in the end it didn't help. I guess all I can do is ask the gods to watch over my Button and keep him safe. In the end he will be who he is and nothing anyone does can change it.
Sorry a little down today, I will be more cheery in the next one I promise.

I wish

So I was thinking today about my first true love. His name is Adam and we were going to be married. He was a wonderful and laid back kind of guy who could play anything on his guitar that he heard. I remember many many stoned nights in his bedroom just listening. I fell in love with him while I was dating his best friend. I have always suffered from unavailable man syndrome, although I can honestly say I have never cheated on or with anyone. At least not physically, but the heart feels what the heart feels. The friend and I broke up amicably, and I think he knew what I felt for Adam before I did. After Steven and I broke up I started talking to Adam about my feelings. He is the first man I have ever shared my true feelings with. We talked on the phone for hours every night. We visited each other regularly. I told him I loved him, he said "I know" he disappeared for awhile and when he returned he said that he had been out doing some hard core things and he didn't want to expose me to that. We started talking again, and although we never officially dated we still knew that we were in love. His family loved me too and they were great, I still talk to his mom. One night we were having another phone talk and he was saying how 5 years down the line he saw us married with a couple of kids running around. He said we could be together forever. He said he loved me. I never spoke to him again. He ran away, nobody knew where he was. I was sad and scared for him. Most of all I missed my friend. After about 6-7 months I spoke to his mom again, she said they had finally heard from him, he was living in another city and he was with this girl, she was pregnant. She wouldn't let him call me. I asked if she was one of those girls who wouldn't let her man talk to any women, his mom said sadly, "no, just you" I hung up the phone that night and cried and cried. Then I moved on. The next month when I went ot call his mom as usual I found that I had forgotten her phone #. Her last name too. Throughout the last few years I have tried to remember either of these things. I got married, had a baby, and tried to find my friend. I guess this is why I don't blame the ex too much for still being sad and hurt. I am. I finally found his mom's # the other day, I called and found that Adam is still with the same woman, just had another child, and seems to be happy. I gave her my # in hopes that he would call, but apparently I am still off limits. I wish I could tell him how happy I am for him, I wish I could hear that he is really happy, I wish he could still be my friend.

Links!

OK this is just a short blog to say that I put links on my sidebar, some of these are super funny, some are just family or friends, and one is my myspace link. Please explore all of them, I promise a laugh or two.

bored...................................................

So here I am siting here at work doing nothing. I have things that I should be doing, but I'm just not feeling it. I'm all over myspace, but none of my friends are on. This week is mothers day, my dad's birthday, and mothers day. Why is it when men havesomething to do with choosing their wedding day it has to be close to their birthday? My anniversary is also within days of my husband's birthday. I think it's so that they can remember more easily. not that that is hard being married to me. He is never at risk of forgetting any birthday or anniversary. I'm one of those irritating people who starts reminding people a month in advance. It's impossible to throw me a surprise party.
Of course as soon as I start rambling about nothing I actually have to work and now i've lost my train of thought. Time to hop another one. Why is it that people see that a lane is ending, they start warning you about it over 1 block in advance sometimes, they see the sign the same time as I did and then instead of changing lanes they speed forward until they nearly hit the traffic cones, screech to a halt and then honk because peole won't let their cheating ass in. Who taught these assholes how to drive. This is what having a drivers license does for you. I guarantee that people with no license don't do this because they don't want to be pulled over. And half of them have their phones glued to their face. This is why they invented earpieces you giant piece of shit! You nearly killed my child because that little black earpiece bothers you. OK this is a mild exaggeration, nobody recently killed my child, but they have discovered, (thank you mythbusters) that driving while talking on a cell phone is MORE dangerous than driving drunk.
My dad's bloodpressure is up. Really really high. The Dr said she isn't even so afraid of him having a heart attack so much as a stroke. My dad thinks he is 10 foot tall and bulletproof. He works a graveyard shift and then hardly sleeps during the day. He still spends his spare time under car hoods even though he got out of the business because he knew that he was getting too old for it. He has been a mechanic since he was 14, he is turning 53 on the 12th. That's a long damn time to be a grease monkey. He didn't tell us anything was wrong, mom did. He won't let us make him get any rest. He won't even let us let him get any rest. And next week he is driving to Santa Cruz to get my car that dies there because he refuses to believe that it is really dead. He wanted to do the trip in 24 hours.....it is a 10 hour drive. Mom is making him at least spend the night so he can get some rest.
Cory has been clean and sober for several months. It is very stressful for us. He was stoned for the last 20 years. He has never done anything besides Guiness and Pot. He doesn't even want to do those now. He is still drinking on occasion. I am very proud of him, but on the other hand he is very cranky. I love him with all of my heart, but someitmes I just want to knock him upside the head.
The baby is now climbing the sides of his playpen, literally. He is a little monkey, and uses his toes. At the age of 8 months he is actually doing chin ups on his crib and playpen trying to climp out. I don't know what I'm going to do when he starts walking.
Signing off now.

My Weekend

Yes I live in Las Vegas where nobody's weekend is on Saturday/Sunday. Mine happens to be Wed/Thu. On Thursday night my mom and I went to go see Mamma Mia. That is the best show! Well maybe not as good as Hairspray, but really good all the same. On the way home, while pulling onto my block, not 3 houses away from mine I got pulle over. My new wan has a 20 day temporary tag, but at night you can't really see it. My dad still hasn't gotten insurance on the van and my ID is lost, I haven't been able to get a new one yet. blech. Fortunately I didn't get a ticket, but I did get lectured by the cop. I was all shaken up after that and didn't want to drive again until I absolutely had to. That was this morning on my way to work. About 1 block away from my house the Husband-man says "What's that dragging noise?" And then I heard it, ker-thump ker-thump. So I tell him while we're at the red-light, "check the tires." Sure enough tire is not just flat, but like dead. Coming off the rim completely flat. So I call Daddy-man and work to let them know Im gonna be late. Still, what have I done wrong that nothing is going right lately. I am a good person, far too friendly for my own good. I go to work, I take care of my family, and lately nothing is going right. Ah well, at least everyone is alive, and relatively healthy. Other than that my weekend was good. How about you?

blarg.....

I don't really have much to talk about, but I haven't updated in awhile so here I am. My week is going well all in all. I am incredibly bored, but being here is better than our other location wherein I am superslammed all day. The Button is 8 months old now and getting smarter every day. He now says mamma, dadda, pappa, and nanna with some accuracy, althoug hmost of the time it is just baby babbling.
The ex and I had a fight the other night about some pretty random stuff, but we worked it out before the end of the night. I refuse to go to sleep mad and I won't let him either.
Having nothing to do with our fight, his ex was supposed to be married on the first, but that didn't work out and now she doesn't know if they're getting married at all. I'm truly sad for her. She is a good person with a good heart, but she seems to have issues with men in general. She had a pretty tough life and has a hard time trusting anyone. I am glad though that the Husband-man didn't agree to let this man adopt his eldest, since who knows how long they will be together.
My mom has been feeling pretty crappy lately and not able to use her hands at all. I wish that her SSI would come through but we can't find one single doctor who will state that she cannot work, we also will not find one that says she CAN work. She has to go down to the union that she was in to see about getting her benifits there since she was fully vested before she stopped working, but again she needs a Dr to say she cannot work before they will release anything since she is not yet 65.
I am trying to get healthier and have cut back to only 1 pepsi a day, for me this is a miracle. I hate water and for 1 full week that is all I drink at work. I am feeling better though. That's about it for now. Love and Light