Grief ...
Six days after my beautiful boy was born at 12:04 am we got a phone call. I answered the phone with "It's 12:04 am and I have a 6 day old baby." I was tired and cranky, I will always regret that. On the other side of the line I heard my sister in laws voice, "I know what time it is, I need to talk to Cory" I immediately knew that something was wrong and handed the phone to Husband-man..."It's Lessa, something's wrong"
That is how we found out that his brother had passed on. Way up north in Alaska where we couldn't even be there for them. As I knelt on the floor beside him with one hand holding his and the other resting on his knee I saw a look of horror rise onto his face. When he hung up the phone he let loose a roar the likes of which I have never heard, and hope to never hear again.
Almost 10 months later he is still working hard to feel whole again. Likewise his sister has been struggling with trying to surive the pain and grief of it all. She is taking a trip, leaving in 2 days and having a very difficult time. She doesn't want to go she just wants him to be alive again and then everything will be ok.
Sis is one of the strongest people I know. She loves life and travel. She has been everywhere. But the pain of losing her brother is enough to shake her ever present confidence. Husband-man is the same. Every week or so, while we are doing something fun or when his life is really going good he get suddenly sad. When I ask him what it is he says he misses his brother. After such a tragic and unexpected loss it seems that those the very closest have the hardest times. When they are sad they have no one to share the sadness with, when they are happy they want to share that joy with their lost loved one only to be reminded once again that person is not there. I cannot imagine the sorrow going through them. For so long all they had was each other. They still have no other family to speak of. Neither of them is really good at talking to each other, so even when they are feeling badly, Husband-man doesn't want to upset Sis by calling her and I suspect the same is true of her.
I don't know what to do to help them. These are two of the most important people left in my life. I also loved Brother-man and miss him terribly, but I only knew him for a short time, only met him twice, and the pain is gone for me. I am also a beleiver in the Summerlands where we wait for our family and rest between lives only to start again. I wasn't truly convinced of my conviction of belief until it was tested. I was devastated when we first found out, but I had to remain strong for Husband-man. After I had time to reflect I still have remnants of selfish sadness for the man that was lost. And not so selfish sadness for his children who will have to frow up the rest of the way without him. I do, however, think that he is watching over us and waiting to laugh with us before it is time for us to start our next lives together. That makes me feel better, but does nothing to help those that I love deal with their pain. In the end I suppose that we all have to deal with death in our own way, and all I really can do is stand beside them and love them. As I told her, It probably will not get better, but it will get easier.
That is how we found out that his brother had passed on. Way up north in Alaska where we couldn't even be there for them. As I knelt on the floor beside him with one hand holding his and the other resting on his knee I saw a look of horror rise onto his face. When he hung up the phone he let loose a roar the likes of which I have never heard, and hope to never hear again.
Almost 10 months later he is still working hard to feel whole again. Likewise his sister has been struggling with trying to surive the pain and grief of it all. She is taking a trip, leaving in 2 days and having a very difficult time. She doesn't want to go she just wants him to be alive again and then everything will be ok.
Sis is one of the strongest people I know. She loves life and travel. She has been everywhere. But the pain of losing her brother is enough to shake her ever present confidence. Husband-man is the same. Every week or so, while we are doing something fun or when his life is really going good he get suddenly sad. When I ask him what it is he says he misses his brother. After such a tragic and unexpected loss it seems that those the very closest have the hardest times. When they are sad they have no one to share the sadness with, when they are happy they want to share that joy with their lost loved one only to be reminded once again that person is not there. I cannot imagine the sorrow going through them. For so long all they had was each other. They still have no other family to speak of. Neither of them is really good at talking to each other, so even when they are feeling badly, Husband-man doesn't want to upset Sis by calling her and I suspect the same is true of her.
I don't know what to do to help them. These are two of the most important people left in my life. I also loved Brother-man and miss him terribly, but I only knew him for a short time, only met him twice, and the pain is gone for me. I am also a beleiver in the Summerlands where we wait for our family and rest between lives only to start again. I wasn't truly convinced of my conviction of belief until it was tested. I was devastated when we first found out, but I had to remain strong for Husband-man. After I had time to reflect I still have remnants of selfish sadness for the man that was lost. And not so selfish sadness for his children who will have to frow up the rest of the way without him. I do, however, think that he is watching over us and waiting to laugh with us before it is time for us to start our next lives together. That makes me feel better, but does nothing to help those that I love deal with their pain. In the end I suppose that we all have to deal with death in our own way, and all I really can do is stand beside them and love them. As I told her, It probably will not get better, but it will get easier.
posted by SweetMagic1 @ 12:11 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home