I wish

So I was thinking today about my first true love. His name is Adam and we were going to be married. He was a wonderful and laid back kind of guy who could play anything on his guitar that he heard. I remember many many stoned nights in his bedroom just listening. I fell in love with him while I was dating his best friend. I have always suffered from unavailable man syndrome, although I can honestly say I have never cheated on or with anyone. At least not physically, but the heart feels what the heart feels. The friend and I broke up amicably, and I think he knew what I felt for Adam before I did. After Steven and I broke up I started talking to Adam about my feelings. He is the first man I have ever shared my true feelings with. We talked on the phone for hours every night. We visited each other regularly. I told him I loved him, he said "I know" he disappeared for awhile and when he returned he said that he had been out doing some hard core things and he didn't want to expose me to that. We started talking again, and although we never officially dated we still knew that we were in love. His family loved me too and they were great, I still talk to his mom. One night we were having another phone talk and he was saying how 5 years down the line he saw us married with a couple of kids running around. He said we could be together forever. He said he loved me. I never spoke to him again. He ran away, nobody knew where he was. I was sad and scared for him. Most of all I missed my friend. After about 6-7 months I spoke to his mom again, she said they had finally heard from him, he was living in another city and he was with this girl, she was pregnant. She wouldn't let him call me. I asked if she was one of those girls who wouldn't let her man talk to any women, his mom said sadly, "no, just you" I hung up the phone that night and cried and cried. Then I moved on. The next month when I went ot call his mom as usual I found that I had forgotten her phone #. Her last name too. Throughout the last few years I have tried to remember either of these things. I got married, had a baby, and tried to find my friend. I guess this is why I don't blame the ex too much for still being sad and hurt. I am. I finally found his mom's # the other day, I called and found that Adam is still with the same woman, just had another child, and seems to be happy. I gave her my # in hopes that he would call, but apparently I am still off limits. I wish I could tell him how happy I am for him, I wish I could hear that he is really happy, I wish he could still be my friend.